Excuse me, what?

The heat is nearly unbearable today, but the wind is blowing just fine, and I’ve actually got some energy flowing so… what to do, what to do?  Let’s go sailing?

Okay, I’ve pulled up anchor, hoisted up the mainsail and on we go, one breath at a time.  {Taps fingers… }, one breath at a time. . . . Alright . . . {continues tapping fingers while waiting}.    What happened to the wind?

So, this isn’t as easy as I thought it might be?? huh, what?  Aaaaah!

It is  eleven days until I fly out to Seattle to start fresh. I feel happy, and sad all at the same time. I feel  a little overwhelmed. Last week, I was ready and raring to go. I’m still excited to go, but I’m doubting the ready part.  It hit me this morning that I really am going to do this, I mean it really is real.    Really?. . .   Really!

I was going to see my sister for a bit first, but that fell through. I just couldn’t find a way justify spending the extra money. I am currently living on SSDI and the budget it is really tight. I mean like first moved out of your parent’s house working a minimum wage job got two roommates out of work tight. I only say this because, ahem, I forgot to remind myself : “I have a lavish, dependable, steady income consistent with integrity and mutual benefit.”

Even with a very generous gift from some folks I still couldn’t find a way to justify the extra trip. So, I’m setting some of that at aside and plan to go in November  for the Thanksgiving holiday. Airline tickets round trip from SEA to PHX are less expensive than a multi-city trip from the Northeast, or even one way stops in between with several different airlines.  Yes, I could take a bus or train, but a train is, even more, money blah, blah, blah. I choose to fly.

Anyway, I suppose I should start with my back story.
The question is how far back do I want to go, and how much of it should I share?

I guess 2005 is the year everything shattered.  Yes, that was a shattering year, as well as the following five years till about 2010.  Those years were so full of tragedies and triumphs that I still don’t know where to begin. My memory is so foggy. I may even have to do research to bring back some of what happened.
In quick synopsis:
My eldest graduated high school and moved out. Thanks be to God He has always been independent yet, always a love bug, I am very proud of both my children. They are strong individuals. They are my heroes. My youngest had a psychotic break with reality and as a result, there were accusations, an unprecedented trial, a year on house arrest a lot of hospital visits and I’m pretty sure we are all still in therapy. My husband of 21-years became ill with an inoperable tumor and ended up on medical leave, not long afterward I lost my marriage, went bankrupt, lost my house, my dignity, my job (got laid off – being laid off is like being punished for doing nothing wrong.), I got divorced, I left my church, and to top it off I ended up having triple bypass surgery on my x-husband’s birthday. That was all between ’05 and ’07. Today, I’m stronger than ever on the inside.

Okay, sorry folks, I just realized, I’m not ready to share all that yet. I have no idea where to begin.  In fact, I may have to do that under a pseudonym, and after I take some writing courses in the PNW.

It’s been over ten years and I’ve “recovered”,  whatever that means.  I realize that some of my greatest challenges are ahead.  That is I think I’m finally ready to move on and begin again. I’m ready for the second half. I want to make the very best of it.  What the future holds I have no clue. However, I know that through the Spirit of the living God within me, I can, and I will continue to grow and overcome! I know I need to be on my own, and that I would like to get off living solely on SSDI as it keeps me well below the poverty level.

Some glorious experiences are ahead of me, and I think that is a big enough challenge for now.I’m at a really strange place in my life, researching  religions and questioning a lot of things. I need a whole lot more than just the usual pat answers.

Here is a message from a Church for people who are not into “Church”
Click to go here: The Meeting House  or for even more info, here:   Official Youtube Channel – The Meeting House  They meet in a movie theater, and other rented spaces on Sunday and then on another day of the week  in smaller groups in their homes. I am in love with the idea and will be searching for a place like this when I get to Seattle, or perhaps I shall just being with Sun Gazing and meditation on  Holy Writ.
PEACE & GRACE to you,
BIG LOVE  ~lil gini

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lil' gini

Hi it's Me, I am 50 ish and I'm just beginning my journey with journaling. This blog will essentially a starting point to journal my journey here on this side of eternity. When I figure out how to configure this thingy called a blog, which really, I have a very vague definition of circling in my brain. My journaling for my autobiography from this new beginning forward will have begun :) Till then, please stick around. Any and all feedback along with helpful tips, tricks and advice are welcome. Hey! It's a start!!! Yeah? Never, never, never give up!

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