Lessons from Mom

My mother was a very intelligent, hard working, fun loving and wise woman.
She was not a religious person, she didn’t have a Phd., in Philosophy, or medicine. But I can tell you of a truth she was authentic and the words of wisdom she shared keep me going on many a trying occasion.

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When I was a child, I was afraid of the darkness and to this day I prefer to remain in light.  I can say with conviction that I am no longer afraid to sit in the dark. And now I realize what mom said to me as a child was so very true.

With great conviction, and in that tone that gets your full attention, she would say,
“Virginia!, there is nothing in the darkness that is not there in the light. It is just that you can not see it (until the light shines).”

Truth is authenticity on every level, it is light. Let your light so shine before men . . .

God is One.  Live in love.

BIG LOVE
lil’ gini.

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Trauma, Trauma, Trauma

Everyone knows trauma. And if you don’t, you will at some point along this journey we call life. Not one person is immune, we will all go through the fires of affliction.

But, what to do with those experiences? Now, there’s the question.

We can use them to justify our attitudes, or complain, and whine remaining miserable,  or we can choose to overcome and thereby grow stronger, wiser, and more at ease within.

I used to think I was nigh unto invincible. Most days I felt I could take on anything and conquer, coming out triumphant and ready to battle again. Then life changed dramatically.

In a three to five-year span (2005-2008, 09, 10) I went through a whirlwind of some pretty heavy dark night of the soul experiences.

There were more than one loved one’s big illness, a career killer, job layoffs, the suicide attempt of a loved one, an unprecedented court case, a graduation, some empty nest stuff, bankruptcy, divorce, homelessness, hmmmm and a few other “big item” stressors.

The first three years culminated in an event that knocked me for a loop, for a long time. It was in June of 2007, I survived CABG surgery. All this pain and turmoil  changed my life, no doubt.

Did it change it for the better?

Would I do it again?

After 10-years, I still can’t answer that question fully. I do know that through those experiences I have grown and today, though I may not be rich by this world’s standards, I am stronger, and happier, living with more purpose and resolve than ever before. I truly appreciate being alive and I am making my own way, gradually in the most loving way I know how.

The big deal: CABG stands for Coronary Artery Bypass Surgery.

A description from John Hopkins

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It’s pretty intense, they put you under anesthesia and open you up with a little jig saw (okay, so I’m not sure what the buzzsaw is called but I’m pretty sure it would do a nice jigsaw job on wood) , crank open your the rib cage, stop your heart ,inserting tubes and wires to keep you alive and direct  blood flow through  what is essentially an artificial heart; a big machine with tubes, pumps etc. that keeps your blood circulating while they graft veins from your leg or wrist around the blockages. Amazing modern miracle surgery.

This is taking me some effort to write. At this point, it’s all rather vague and like a bad dream,  I still don’t like to talk about it.

At any rate, just prior to the surgery I felt time slow down, it kept getting slower and slower, I felt weaker and weaker and I went to the emergency room complaining of chest pain. They ran tests, and I had a catheterization.  They said my veins/arteries were too small to place a stent. They changed my meds and said the usual things they say to patients;  less stress, more exercise, blah, blah, blah.

 

That’s right, blah, blah, blah.

Don’t get me wrong I am eternally grateful for the physicians, the surgeons, the nurses and everyone who were  dedicated and assisted me during this time. They are an amazing poeple.

The time warp continued and one day about six weeks later I said to my partner at the time, I have to go to the hospital.  I could not explain it but I just knew something was terribly wrong and I wouldn’t be around much longer if I didn’t do something immediately.

After arriving at the ER they put me on a treadmill. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t walk on the treadmill, I tried but I wasn’t on it two minutes before I had to stop.  They came back and said we are taking you to surgery if you agree, sign here.

I did not hesitate to sign.

The next thing I knew I woke in the recovery room. Upon waking all I could do was cry, cry in repentance, crying out asking what did I do that all this had come upon me and I found myself there, under bright lights, with all these tubes and wires and odd noises and people, poking at me.

They got me up and into a chair very quickly.

Post-op depression set in immediately.

I felt violated, vulnerable and victimized. I was a  angry that I even survived. My body and spirit were crushed. At the tender age of 42, I had no clue how I would come back from all this.

I’ve come a long way since that day, both physically and psychologically. The journey has been a curious one.  More on that later . . .

As I said before, I was in such a dark place in my being. I would not wish this place on my worst enemy. My attitude was horrible. Sure I would die at any moment, I was lost, I was without hope, I was empty, crushed to an infinite number of pieces, just this side of powder.  My mother, who passed away in October of 2009, said to
me at some point, Ginny, what has happened to you, “where is your spunk?” you are not the same. She was spot on, and I didn’t want to live anymore. What on earth could I possibly be good for after this?? How can I  come back?  I was pretty sure I wouldn’t make it. Yet, here I am and how life has changed.

To Be Continued . . . .

Know this, it is not the length of time that it takes you to recover for everyone heals in their own way at their own pace. It’s the resolve to never give up, no matter the obstacles placed in your way, know that it is temporary and they came to pass, They will pass away.  Be tenacious in allowing, accepting, honoring, and letting go.

BIG LOVE
lil’gini

FAITH

Today’s Glimpse of Glory

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In your prayers call those things that are not as though they were, give thanks for them.  Then go on with your day.

Occupy

These thoughts are things, you just haven’t seen them today.  One day in the fullness of time it will come to pass.

This is faith

a knowing that within and Nowhere else but in the Spirit that gives life and lives in you, in all, above all and through all.

Live and rest assured in  BIG LOVE

lil’gini

_________________

Neville Goddard Video

Acts of God

http://youtu.be/HicZDckC_1M

Just pause and think about it.

You decide.

Falling To Pieces

And what a glorious glipse this is:

Sh, sha, shah, shattered  (shay-ooobey)

Did you ever study the subject Rock in the Bible?

The link below is to a cross reference if you would like to take a peek under that proverbial hood.

Rock Bible Cross Reference

Ponder this, if you will

“Every child born of woman says, I am! That is the fragmented rock. In the end, when the fragments gather together to form one being, you – wearing your face – will realize no one exists independent of your perception, for the world is contained within your own wonderful human imagination, and projected by you.” Neville Goddard

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Onward and upward to
Mr. Chris Cornell,
Mrs. TDS “Riff of the Day, Queen of all Metal” Davis,
Ben Graves,
D. & S. Winslow …,
C. Gilliam…. ” and every beloved one who passes passes through this valley of the shadow of death.

Fear no evil. Be still and know I am within you and you are within me. Imagine above all, in all, and  through all.

God is One.

BIG LOVE
lil’gini

In Your Thoughts

Guilty Pleasure confession number 1:

I love to be alone, get stoned, and just cogitate, and write, and dream, the best days are when I can dream and let it all go . . .

Instructions for proceeding if you choose to engage in them: Take a few deep breaths, relax, let go, melt and say to yourself I have all the time in the world (so long as I am not overbooked, ha, ha, ha) repeat until you are ready for a bible reference!  Ready? Go!

The book of Ecclesiaties Chapter 10 verse 20

” Do not curse a king even in your thoughts, and do not curse the rich while in your bedroom; for a bird might report what you are thinking, or some winged creature might repeat your words. “
In other words, and the simplest of terms, mind your thoughts.

Think about what you are thinking about.

But you knew that.

 
ENVY and STRIFE
Even us “po-folks” can be guilty of jealousy or being miserly, and envious. Guilty of assumption, that is. It’s pretty easy to envy the “rich”. I know I have many times. It never helped my situation, not once.  
In fact, it only made me more miserable, in turn, all could see around me was misery. Now, I don’t know about you but, me, I do not want to feel that anymore.  THAT”S IT !! I’m refusing misery.

I resolve to recognize when I begin down a path of misery and complaining in my self-talk, my inward thoughts and when I do, I will Stop, forgive, think again and choose grace, and gratefulness instead. YEAH ! No more bitterness, or envy.

I choose to be, happy and contented with what I have, and yet, ever able to expand, grow and improve.


I choose to live now, I choose life on the inside first.

Signs follow depending upon your attitude:

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It’s a good day!

Guilty Pleasure confession number 1:
I love to be alone, get stoned, and just cogitate, mull things over and write, and dream, the best days are when I can dream and let it all go . . . and write what is in my heart.
Who said that? HAF

BIG LOVE 

lil’ gini

A choice . . .

Today’s Glimpse of Glory :

Once upon a time, a co-worker, his name is Wayne, accused me of being too happy.
He said to me: How do you stay so happy all the time? and No one can be that happy.

I don’t recall what my answer was then. But today is a new day, the present day, and my gift for today was when  I realized this: Sure no one is happy all the time, but for the most part, I am contented, my needs are met and so I am happy. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with me.  Come to think of it, that is how I stay happy by being grateful for what I do have and not always living in want. Sure not 24/7, but most of the time. I work at it too, I work at it a lot. Happiness doesn’t necessarily come naturally. It’s an attitude that must be maintained.

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Don’t Worry Be Happy !

HAPPY:
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/happy

Synonyms
1. joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, blissful, satisfied. 3. favorable, propitious; successful, prosperous. 4. appropriate, fitting, opportune, pertinent.

I was happy, I am happy, and I will be happy.  I Am Happy. I am happier today than I have been since I was a child.

What a relief!happiness1-300x284
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I am happy and truthfully, I’ve always been happy, I just had amnesia for a while, I forgot to just be who I am, and part of, a big part of who I am is happy.

 I am happy and today add to happiness with valor in the battle to bring down all the circumstances and thoughts that would try to tell me otherwise. I exercise my right to live happy in my strange and wonderful world.

I think that when all we want for ourselves, that is, our children, friends, relatives, our neighbors is to live in peace and be happy then the world is a much better place to be. 

Today, my answer to Wayne:  I act happy because I am happy
(except when I’m not ….lol)!

Be governed by love and wisdom.

My wisdom:  Take some time today to do something fun, and if you can’t find the time, then take it, take something you are already doing and infuse it with happy, enjoy some fun!

BIG LOVE
lil’ gini

Just for fun, some links to definitions of happy:  ps- https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/happy
pps – http://biblehub.com/greek/3107.htm

Just for fun 🙂