An Open Letter

Soundtrack (listening to):

Lisa Lobe – Stay
A. Morrisette – Ironic
4 non-blondes – What’s up?
Criminal
Nelly Furtado –  I’m Like a Bird

The following is an open letter and a personal letter to my loved ones, friends, both past present, and future.

There is so very much I would like to say that this could be a Tolstoy novel. You know, War and Peace?  I will try my best to condense what is currently in my heart.

Every person born into this world is filled with both good and evil, love and hate, right and wrong on the inside all who have reached the age of accountability are aware of this.

Blame never solves anything, oh, it may make us feel better for the moment but ultimately it doesn’t help anything. Forgiveness, and personal responsibility followed by choice, and action do make for change.  I know this, and I am doing my best to put it into practice.

Inside there is everything we need to be complete, yet on the outside, we can only work with what we have at hand and imagine for the better.

That being said, I am truly sorrowful today. I hate to be in and to see you in misery.  I am sorry. My heart and head hurt, because I hurt you, even if it was unintentional. I never want to hurt another. You are precious and I’d give you the world were it mine.

I would like you to understand that It is never my intention to hurt, insult, belittle or take advantage of you. I mean no harm. I do give all, I am open to you and here for you with all that is within me. What I can not do is choose for you.  Choice, even down to every thought we think is ours alone to make. My sky is torn today, my heart aches. I am truly sorry for your pain and anger. I care deeply. If I could give you only and all the goodness and graceful thoughts that exist I would certainly do so. With gladness, I would hold you in safe keeping for eternity.

How? tell me please, how do I show my appreciations for you allowing me to be a part of your life? How can I communicate to you that I love you? I care and will do anything for you, I  give to you all that I am without expecting anything in return if you would only ask (A. ask, S. seek, K. knock).  All you need to do is ask. I am grateful, though I may/can not know how to show it to you. It is up to you to show me how I can do that. All you need to do is ask.

If I complain about, take advantage of, or inconvenience you please forgive me.  I am still human and struggle with all of the same feelings and thoughts that every person alive on this earth does. I am doing the best I can given what I have at hand, whether or not anyone acknowledges it, or thinks otherwise. If it is your desire, I would go dirty, cold and hungry before I use you unjustly.  Believe that you may call on me anytime and with all I have and all I am I will comfort you, I will give all for you. I am dignified. I am humbled by you. I am all that I am and I would give all for you if you ask me to.

Need clarity of intention? Ask
Need money? Ask
Need companionship? Ask
Need wisdom? Ask
Need Truth? Need an ear, arm, shoulder?
Wake me up anytime, day or night and I will sit with you. I will not leave you alone unless; unless that is your desire.

All I have is yours if you will seek me out.  If I don’t have the thing, the wisdom or the answer you are looking for I will help in your search the best way I know how.

It is ALL up to you. Choose as you will.  Choose to be angry? you are allowed to be angry. Go for it. Choose to be disheartened, or wholehearted, choose hate, choose murder if you so desire, go ahead and cut me off, kill me. Although, I pray that you will choose life, and love, mercy and grace, peace and truth, but whatever your choice I will not condemn you and I will not abandon you, for you have had enough of that and you do enough of that for yourself.

I give myself to you. Everything I have is yours all you need to do is ask.

This ONE thing I ask of you. Please,  if you can find it in your heart forgive. Forgive me, forgive yourself, and know that I AM for you. I am not against you. If I could choose friendship, loyalty, laughter, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, understanding, riches, fame goodness, truth and every good thing for you I most certainly would, and do.
But those choices are not mine to make for you, I can not be responsible for your thoughts, feelings, or actions.Only you and I can make that choice.

Every waking moment, until the time we are taken from this earth we choose.

I am aware, I am here. You matter to me and I love you.

BIG LOVE
lil’ gini

PS- the impetus for this post was most disturbing, and painful for me personally, no buts about it, it’s all true.
PSS – I’m still searching for a good proofreader. Want to help?

 

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Imagination and the Kingdom of God


Our whole point  depends on our definition of God.
Is there a God?

There are many gods, or rather we make gods out of many things.

I believe there is only one true and living God.   What do I/we know about God?

 Firstly, God is, God is One
*God is Good
* God is Spirit
*Omniscient
*Omnipresent
*Omnipotent*
God is the Author of life and faith* that which is intangible*
God’s Kingdom is Within* – and Without*

Α -Ω from beginning to end GOD IS ALL IN ALL –  Both the Author and the Finisher.

The Book of John 17    The Book of Isaiah Chapter 44 – Hebrews 12: 1-3

Correct?  headscratch

Energy:  Energy is neither created nor can it be destroyed.

” If Energy cannot be created or destroyed and all matter is a form of energy, then all must be a form of God.
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Ask the Van !

I’m not so sure about how to look at this since we are said to be separated from God by sin. If this is true, that we are separated by sin, then in some way, we must be  reconciled and resurrected  back to life, because God can not die. ??  ??   yes?

Consider then if you will, that true life then begins at the end.
That is to say, begin with the crucifixion for resurrection. Jesus is our example, the NT is the story of us, you and me.  When you realize your end (I die daily) you will find your beginning. Therefore, you must die to really live life at it’s fullest.  God knows the end from the beginning and all is complete.

The Big Quantum Equation

God fills the Universe, the air, the earth, the sea, all that is in them, you and me. God is in you and in me and outside of you and outside of me and yet we can not see God with our eyes, no, it is through our eyes that we see God’s creation in all.

Am I looking through my eyes? What do I see? Am I seeing what is, or what I choose to see?

The kingdom of God is within. In the depth of our being, we are one with God for the Father is in Jesus,  Jesus is in us, and we are one with the all in all, and yet we are unique, there is no one like you, no one like me. It’s extremely simple and profound, it blows my mind – YES!!  God is Spirit, intangible and yet everything you look at is a reflection of God even our own reflection. Whenever I see that newborn baby, wrapped in swaddling clothes, I see the most precious being that comes from the greatest mystery and has the breath of life. I am, we are looking at the face of God!

While attempting to feed my intellect, and configure my reality, I recently came across some teachings by a man named: Neville Goddard – He has an extremely interesting take on life, death, salvation, resurrection, spirit, body. If I understand what I am reading,  He taught that the Bible is not literal but figurative stories and the NT is the fulfillment of the OT and that Jesus Christ is the Lord who exists as our own, wonderful,  imagination. Reality through imagination. It is in our imagination that we create our world. That is to say, what we think on, our inner man (self-talk) manifests. You are (and you get) what you dwell on. This holds us fully and completely responsible. This is revelatory and when God reveals Christ within, that is when we are born again we can and will perceive. Here is a link for many of Neville’s Recordings
neville_goddardThey sound really far out, but taking a closer look much of it make sense.

Have you found the newborn child in you?  If you can not answer that then keep looking, never stop looking until know, and you will know beyond all doubt and no one will be able to talk you out of it, nothing shall by any means hurt you again.

We have an external witness and an internal witness,( Hmmmm, two witnesses, interesting), there is something to that for sure. I’ll save that for another day.

That this life which we are conscious of is the valley of the shadow of death and we need not fear when we realize Christ in us, the hope of glory. 

Why is that so hard for us to accept that the Spirit life is true life ?

It is written; God humbled himself, (materialized/manifested in the world), robed in a garment,  that garment is flesh and blood  (Jesus=God personified), a precious beautiful garment that is your body.  God, through Jesus, shows us how He is the plan of salvation. When you realize (
real-ize) this you will be “born again”. The Christ within you will be born, you will die and be resurrected and the ascension will take place. You grow upward from the inside out, leaving behind all the base and evil things, death will never touch you again, we are ever expanding life in Christ, Lord of Lords.  The first Adam is of the earth, earthy, the second Adam is the Lord from heaven, the Lord is a life-giving Spirit.  Your mind is spirit where reality resides.

Note to self: God alone is the true judge.
Be ever so careful to mind your thoughts bring them into subjection.
“For the wages of sin is death (judgment between good and evil), but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (eternal life).  -Think about what you are thinking about and choose life, choose good, choose love.

Everlasting life is a present-tense possession. The scriptures tell us in Deuteronomy God says: I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse (Good & Evil).

Thankfully, we get to start fresh every day and we can be true to ourselves while we are learning and moving closer to our purpose for being because God’s mercies are new every morning and longsuffering we can trust completely while exploring these big questions of life.

What do you love the most? Let everything be done out of love.
 
You’ve heard it all your life (if you were raised in a “Christian” atmosphere that is), but, are you listening? Do what you love and you’ll love what you do. Find your passion.   Choose nobility, and altruism, imagine, embody, and appropriate your loves. This is what it is to show our faith by works. James letter to the saints states: As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead
(James 2).  

 But seriously friends, what do I know?

ChickWithEgg_Dollar62115459-300x300 

I’m just a chick, and this is MY learning curve.
I’m not even sure I’m making any sense at all.

Let Your Light Shine !
BIG LOVE lil’ gini
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Song for today: Late Lament – The Moody Blues –
“Late Lament”

 

Breathe deep the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade from every room.
Bedsitter people look back and lament,
Another day’s useless energy spent.
Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,
Lonely man cries for love and has none.
New mother picks up and suckles her son,
Senior citizens wish they were young.
Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
Removes the colours from our sight.
Red is grey and yellow white.
But we decide which is right.
And which is an illusion?

 

Riddle Me This . . .

I Am Complete In Him  

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O
h,  if people really knew what that means. I Am complete in Him. If people realized and awakened, had a revelation of what that means,  there would never be another death or war, another struggle for power, no more sorrow, or pain or tears. Our lights would shine so bright we would need no sun.

I believe that one day, all mankind will realize – I Am Complete in Him who is the head of all  principalities and power.

Heck Bullwinkle !

I barely have a glimpse and I’m so blown away I can’t articulate it, IMAGINE !
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What would you say is the most important word  in that last sentence?  

I Am?
No, technically that is a Name and it is two words.

How about I?  is it I?
No, that’s right up there at the top but for the purpose of this blog, not the answer I was looking for. Please,  read it again  and dive a little deeper.

        .       549075_0_the-neuroscience-of-the-imagination-by-prof-vince-walsh_267
I will give you a hint . . . . it’s invisible, 
Yes! 

Nah, don’t worry about it just contemplate.

GOD IS ONE

BIG LOVE lil‘ gini 

Excuse me, what?

The heat is nearly unbearable today, but the wind is blowing just fine, and I’ve actually got some energy flowing so… what to do, what to do?  Let’s go sailing?

Okay, I’ve pulled up anchor, hoisted up the mainsail and on we go, one breath at a time.  {Taps fingers… }, one breath at a time. . . . Alright . . . {continues tapping fingers while waiting}.    What happened to the wind?

So, this isn’t as easy as I thought it might be?? huh, what?  Aaaaah!

It is  eleven days until I fly out to Seattle to start fresh. I feel happy, and sad all at the same time. I feel  a little overwhelmed. Last week, I was ready and raring to go. I’m still excited to go, but I’m doubting the ready part.  It hit me this morning that I really am going to do this, I mean it really is real.    Really?. . .   Really!

I was going to see my sister for a bit first, but that fell through. I just couldn’t find a way justify spending the extra money. I am currently living on SSDI and the budget it is really tight. I mean like first moved out of your parent’s house working a minimum wage job got two roommates out of work tight. I only say this because, ahem, I forgot to remind myself : “I have a lavish, dependable, steady income consistent with integrity and mutual benefit.”

Even with a very generous gift from some folks I still couldn’t find a way to justify the extra trip. So, I’m setting some of that at aside and plan to go in November  for the Thanksgiving holiday. Airline tickets round trip from SEA to PHX are less expensive than a multi-city trip from the Northeast, or even one way stops in between with several different airlines.  Yes, I could take a bus or train, but a train is, even more, money blah, blah, blah. I choose to fly.

Anyway, I suppose I should start with my back story.
The question is how far back do I want to go, and how much of it should I share?

I guess 2005 is the year everything shattered.  Yes, that was a shattering year, as well as the following five years till about 2010.  Those years were so full of tragedies and triumphs that I still don’t know where to begin. My memory is so foggy. I may even have to do research to bring back some of what happened.
In quick synopsis:
My eldest graduated high school and moved out. Thanks be to God He has always been independent yet, always a love bug, I am very proud of both my children. They are strong individuals. They are my heroes. My youngest had a psychotic break with reality and as a result, there were accusations, an unprecedented trial, a year on house arrest a lot of hospital visits and I’m pretty sure we are all still in therapy. My husband of 21-years became ill with an inoperable tumor and ended up on medical leave, not long afterward I lost my marriage, went bankrupt, lost my house, my dignity, my job (got laid off – being laid off is like being punished for doing nothing wrong.), I got divorced, I left my church, and to top it off I ended up having triple bypass surgery on my x-husband’s birthday. That was all between ’05 and ’07. Today, I’m stronger than ever on the inside.

Okay, sorry folks, I just realized, I’m not ready to share all that yet. I have no idea where to begin.  In fact, I may have to do that under a pseudonym, and after I take some writing courses in the PNW.

It’s been over ten years and I’ve “recovered”,  whatever that means.  I realize that some of my greatest challenges are ahead.  That is I think I’m finally ready to move on and begin again. I’m ready for the second half. I want to make the very best of it.  What the future holds I have no clue. However, I know that through the Spirit of the living God within me, I can, and I will continue to grow and overcome! I know I need to be on my own, and that I would like to get off living solely on SSDI as it keeps me well below the poverty level.

Some glorious experiences are ahead of me, and I think that is a big enough challenge for now.I’m at a really strange place in my life, researching  religions and questioning a lot of things. I need a whole lot more than just the usual pat answers.

Here is a message from a Church for people who are not into “Church”
Click to go here: The Meeting House  or for even more info, here:   Official Youtube Channel – The Meeting House  They meet in a movie theater, and other rented spaces on Sunday and then on another day of the week  in smaller groups in their homes. I am in love with the idea and will be searching for a place like this when I get to Seattle, or perhaps I shall just being with Sun Gazing and meditation on  Holy Writ.
PEACE & GRACE to you,
BIG LOVE  ~lil gini

Strange Daze . . .

You’re just a sweet little  zebra grazing in the grass ( doe-eyed), perhaps you’ve bent down and are getting a cool sip of water when  from out of nowhere, suddenly there it is,  a giant tiger  pounces on your back and bite you in the jugular, that’s it you’ve been AMBUSHED! missing-the-herd

A Great Escape – Zebra Escapes Lion

Yeah, that was a close one!

 

 

There you are, you thought you’d been guarding your thoughts and just like that BANG! it’s fight or flight time!

What are you going to do ?

Some days are just like that, everything is seemingly perfect, or perfect as they can be, your thankful, happy and smiling and doing your thing, and BAM! some bad news comes along and smacks you right in the jaw, makes you wobble. Maybe you’re a little nauseated, or really stunned.  Immediately every negative scenario starts coming at you like a flood, whoosh, whoosh . . . What are you going to do ?

Here is a small example of how what you think about can make you sick:

It just so happens that this morning was one of “those mornings”. Started at early 4:50am, when I noticed my son had left a message on my cell phone. First thing I think uh, oh, he never does this so early in the morning.

This is gonna be something big.    Is he hurt?

Is his friend calling me on his phone to tell me something happened?

Is he in jail? Did one of his friends get hurt? die? go to jail? Hey, you never know . . .

I’m here in Maine, and he is out in Washington State. My guts began to gurgle and squirm and I got a giant lump just under my larynx.  By the time I dialed my voice mail to listen to what was going on I thought I might vomit. Deep breaths take deep breaths, Gin.

Thankfully, it was one of those problems where it is just best to practice non-interference – PHEW –  Thank You, God !!  Without going into any detail, the kid was pretty shook up (I say kid – he will be 30 this year). But, it turned out, that really, he just needed a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen to help him process what was happening.

I find it extremely interesting that the day before I had emailed him this little clip of advice:

I do not know anything about your relationship with xxxxxx, other than it seems you are very happy together. I’d like to always keep it that way.
That being said, here is some really good advice I read today (of course it goes both ways):

It is well to remember that no two human beings ever lived beneath the same roof without clashes of temperament, periods of hurts, and strain. Never display the unhappy side of your marriage/relationship to your friends, or anyone else.

Keep your quarrels to yourself (which he did a very good job of by the way), unless you are sharing with an objective counselor (one of which I am not ? ).  Refrain from criticism and condemnation of your partner.

NEVER harbor hurts, always forgive one another or that bitterness will take root and break you apart.  Bitterness is like cancer that starts slow but can take over and if you don’t catch it in the beginning it will take over and eat you alive.

You don’t have to be always together, always the same, or even agree, to live in harmony. You can heal any problem through proper application in your own mind, using empathy and forgiveness, by forgetting/letting go of offenses. Always treasure and cultivate those good and lovely qualities that brought you together. May you have a long, beautiful loving relationship. Love you!

I’m so proud to call him my son. Not only is he intelligent, he’s got wisdom beyond his years and heart of gold, and I’m pretty sure he’s in love, genuine, real loyal love.

Grounding, meditation,  deep breathing,  and being thankful, these are just a few things we can do to heal from those scary moments.  I’m told that when you realize who you really are (in Christ) that nothing or no thing will be impossible.  I’m working on that one 🙂

Oh, this made me feel a little better too 🙂
Pooh & Tigger   Pooh logic always helps when you’re a little down.

What helps you to remember? or to escape those devilish attacks of the enemy that take you by surprise?  Please, do share.   Remember – We’re all in this together!

BIG LOVE lil’ gini

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

Into every life some rain must fall – H.W.Longfellow put it this way –

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

________________________________

40 Days and 40 Nights . . .

When bad news comes to you in any form, often we let it bring us down, time just drags on and on, and we get so far down that we forget the sun really is still shining.

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Here is a great sermon (I think it’s great) from one of my favorite Theologians, author, and teacher Greg Boyd. Called Above the Clouds Feb. 2012

Don’t worry luv the sun will be back soon.
.  .  . I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
just singin’
singin’ in the rain !

BIG LOVE  lil’ gini

MONEY – Time to stop wanting and start asking for it.

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Rejoice in the prosperity of others, wish them all good things,  and you will grow wealthy yourself.

MONEY (That’s what I want) LennonMcCartney
 The best things in life are free
But you can give them to the birds and bees – I WANT MONEY! 
Your 3140a267c1099a36cfd7a62572281a12loving gives me a thrill, But your loving don’t pay my bills – Now give me MONEY . . .  Lord knows the Beatles made plenty of money for many people, and will continue to do so for years to come. I’m pretty sure that these men were just doing what they loved. 

“The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.” Mark Twain
Do what you love and you’ll have plenty.    I thought that I believed that. But today, just today, I realized I had it all
wrong !    WHAT? Yes, all wrong.I have faith, I give and work hard, but still, in my heart, I have a bad attitude toward money. I’ve been so wrong.

Money is a thing, money is not good or bad in and of itself.
Yes, this I know, or I thought I did.  Things are neither good or bad, they just are. God has given us all things richly to enjoy. Covetousness, on the other hand, is not a thing it is an evil state of want. Remember, As you think and feel so are you. Greed and jealousy can and will only bring destruction.

“Surely vexation kills the fool, and jealousy slays the simple.”  ~Job 5:2

I realized today  while riding through town I grew up in. The town has tripled, I think. Where there used to be farmland and swamp I see all these brand new homes with manicured yards, sidewalks, nice cars,  and I say aloud; Where did all this money come from?  I was jealous, I was wrong to be jealous. I have been angry and felt cheated.

But you know what?     That is a lie.

Yes, I’ve worked so hard and put so much effort into trying to make things happen that I ended up needing a triple bypass and having heart failure. All the striving, and envy, and work nearly killed me. So, I’ve decided to die, because I know in dying I will live. That is I lay down trying to earn God’s favor because I’ve had it all along and didn’t even realize it.  That’s it, I give up!

The truth is, I have everything I need. It’s time to expand my borders because good and beautiful is coming my way in abundance, and in a hurry. Money, houses, cars, these “things” are just that, things. With the right attitude, I already have “it”, I have all I need.  I’m going to start living like it.  This world, the one we see with our eyes, touch with our skin/hands, smell, hear, taste, this is all temporal, it’s passing away. Even our bodies come to pass, but our Spirit that will never die.  Yes, I have work to do, and a lot to learn, but now I’m looking at it from a whole new perspective, a completely different lens. I’ve never been afraid of hard work. I love to work. I have no one but myself to blame for my mistakes, wrong thinking or wrong choices and neither, do you, Do you?

The LORD says: Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.

I say: Come in LORD, you are welcome here all I have is yours, it has always been yours and always will be.  Welcome home.

 

Today I change my thinking about money. Today, while it is called today I plant the seeds of plenty, wealth, and luxury. I am poised and ready to be blessed above and beyond all I could ask for or think of.

  I   L O V E   M O N E Y !          I   L O V E   M O N E Y !               I   L O V E   M O N E Y ! 

I resolve to create a new life one little thing at a time, by grace and generosity and thankfulness.  I resolve to pray and meditate, to  think on things pure, virtuous, whatever is good. I resolve to Love, forgive, embrace life, to have fun, vibrancy, joy, patience, kindness, to be a blessing and help to those around me. As a matter of fact,  I am asking for so much money that it is a pleasure to give 90% away and still live comfortably on the remaining 10%. I’m asking for health, wealth, and prosperity.   I let go and I’m waiting to see what God will do.

And money? Well,  I ask for more than enough money to give me a home near the lake or the park, with a pool and some place to swim. Enough for tile floors and high-quality counters, fixtures etc.. Enough to have my laundry sent out and delivered back to me clean, pressed and folded. Enough to have good quality utensils, tools, and cooking material.  Enough to eat the best  fresh fruits and veggies, to shop at the corner stand, the Farmers Market, and Whole Foods, and Trader Joes. . . To eat seafood twice a week. I want this for me, for my children, my family, and friends and all the others too.

Let’s go live the abundant life.

This is from the “Chicken Soup for the Soul guys” :

 The formula for success is available now.
Yes, the law of attraction, yadda, yadda, yadda . . .  ReThink it!
BIG LOVE lil’ gini.
PS – a Tesla would be nice too.