An Open Letter

Soundtrack (listening to):

Lisa Lobe – Stay
A. Morrisette – Ironic
4 non-blondes – What’s up?
Criminal
Nelly Furtado –  I’m Like a Bird

The following is an open letter and a personal letter to my loved ones, friends, both past present, and future.

There is so very much I would like to say that this could be a Tolstoy novel. You know, War and Peace?  I will try my best to condense what is currently in my heart.

Every person born into this world is filled with both good and evil, love and hate, right and wrong on the inside all who have reached the age of accountability are aware of this.

Blame never solves anything, oh, it may make us feel better for the moment but ultimately it doesn’t help anything. Forgiveness, and personal responsibility followed by choice, and action do make for change.  I know this, and I am doing my best to put it into practice.

Inside there is everything we need to be complete, yet on the outside, we can only work with what we have at hand and imagine for the better.

That being said, I am truly sorrowful today. I hate to be in and to see you in misery.  I am sorry. My heart and head hurt, because I hurt you, even if it was unintentional. I never want to hurt another. You are precious and I’d give you the world were it mine.

I would like you to understand that It is never my intention to hurt, insult, belittle or take advantage of you. I mean no harm. I do give all, I am open to you and here for you with all that is within me. What I can not do is choose for you.  Choice, even down to every thought we think is ours alone to make. My sky is torn today, my heart aches. I am truly sorry for your pain and anger. I care deeply. If I could give you only and all the goodness and graceful thoughts that exist I would certainly do so. With gladness, I would hold you in safe keeping for eternity.

How? tell me please, how do I show my appreciations for you allowing me to be a part of your life? How can I communicate to you that I love you? I care and will do anything for you, I  give to you all that I am without expecting anything in return if you would only ask (A. ask, S. seek, K. knock).  All you need to do is ask. I am grateful, though I may/can not know how to show it to you. It is up to you to show me how I can do that. All you need to do is ask.

If I complain about, take advantage of, or inconvenience you please forgive me.  I am still human and struggle with all of the same feelings and thoughts that every person alive on this earth does. I am doing the best I can given what I have at hand, whether or not anyone acknowledges it, or thinks otherwise. If it is your desire, I would go dirty, cold and hungry before I use you unjustly.  Believe that you may call on me anytime and with all I have and all I am I will comfort you, I will give all for you. I am dignified. I am humbled by you. I am all that I am and I would give all for you if you ask me to.

Need clarity of intention? Ask
Need money? Ask
Need companionship? Ask
Need wisdom? Ask
Need Truth? Need an ear, arm, shoulder?
Wake me up anytime, day or night and I will sit with you. I will not leave you alone unless; unless that is your desire.

All I have is yours if you will seek me out.  If I don’t have the thing, the wisdom or the answer you are looking for I will help in your search the best way I know how.

It is ALL up to you. Choose as you will.  Choose to be angry? you are allowed to be angry. Go for it. Choose to be disheartened, or wholehearted, choose hate, choose murder if you so desire, go ahead and cut me off, kill me. Although, I pray that you will choose life, and love, mercy and grace, peace and truth, but whatever your choice I will not condemn you and I will not abandon you, for you have had enough of that and you do enough of that for yourself.

I give myself to you. Everything I have is yours all you need to do is ask.

This ONE thing I ask of you. Please,  if you can find it in your heart forgive. Forgive me, forgive yourself, and know that I AM for you. I am not against you. If I could choose friendship, loyalty, laughter, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, understanding, riches, fame goodness, truth and every good thing for you I most certainly would, and do.
But those choices are not mine to make for you, I can not be responsible for your thoughts, feelings, or actions.Only you and I can make that choice.

Every waking moment, until the time we are taken from this earth we choose.

I am aware, I am here. You matter to me and I love you.

BIG LOVE
lil’ gini

PS- the impetus for this post was most disturbing, and painful for me personally, no buts about it, it’s all true.
PSS – I’m still searching for a good proofreader. Want to help?

 

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Today’s Glimpse

Careful!  it’s a trippy one, don’t stumble.

Greetings from the inside out, and upside down.

Jesus says,

Yes, I have the kind of gonads that belong to a man who knows his place, so stand still and listen up recruit !! You wanna be in this Army you gotta shape up and chill out, I’m in charge here, not you!  I’m yah mamma, yah daddy, yah everything while you’re in combat training. We live in chaos and fear far too often girls, so here I am the Prince of Peace who will teach you to fight so that eventually you no longer have to fight, you will be at rest.

 

When you look in the mirror there I am, love me, and when you look at your neighbor there I am, love me, and when you look at your enemy I’m there too, love me. Love me with all your heart and soul, strength and mind. When you see your brother or sister, there I am, I am yours and you are mine unconditionally.
It’s you and me and the babies just keep on comin’, be’o-atch.

GOD IS ONE past, present, and future, time is the illusion. Stay here with me now and we will comfort one another, feed one another, clothe one another, care for one another like we are the apple of each other’s eye, you hide in my secret place, always accept, honor and respect me, we will dance and have a love affair, and I’ll take care of the rest, you just let me wow you and shower you in abundance.  I own it all and it’s all at your disposal to use as you desire. Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

Now, you must prepare for combat.
Get out of that bed, awaken, rise from that tomb you’re sleeping in and live!

Today is a GLORIOUS DAY to be Alive!!!
SunShine

PS- we can only meet in secret, and I want you to tell everyone you see that I am He that was and is and is to come.

 

What a nut case, huh, or am I ? Sounds a little radical to me 🙂  You be the judge, I’ll stay here.

BIG LOVE lil’ gini –

PS- if you’re going through hell, just keep going.  I’ve been there, done that already, I will  travel through it with you, I will never leave you, and when you return, and then we will have the biggest most wonderful perfect party you can dream up!   Just knock, oh and If I don’t answer, just keep knocking, I know when to show up and I am alive for evermore so, yeah, life it’s never too late.  You call I will answer, stop in anytime. in fact, the door is open all you have to do is walk in.I am a wonderful host, you will enjoy your stay if you so desire.

 

RALPH SMART love & wisdom


Decipher the God Program



RALPH SMART –  A
 man who is wide awake before breakfast ! 

Check out his book and internet channels !!

https://ralphsmart.com/
INFINITE WATERS DIVING DEEP

Ralph’s Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjt7bEwtlk6A6f_CiY2ZOlQ
Infinite Waters (Diving Deep)
I very much enjoy pondering Ralph’s teachings
– He is an alchemist –

What if You Were
the Best Version of Yourself?

 

The Smartest Version.. The Wealthiest Version..
 The Happiest Version..
 Imagine the best possible version of yourself. Go beyond now.. and dive into the infinite possibilities.

See yourself where all of your relationships are at their best. Where your mind is working at its best. Where your wealth is at its most.

It’s easy to get there. But most people don’t realize that life is on a continuum. On one end, there’s the worst version of yourself. The loser. The loner. The popper.

But on the other side of the scale is your best version. Where every part of your life is optimal. And you’re about to see how you can get on the fast track to your best self.
 Here’s How…
 Inside the book Feel Alive by Ralph Smart, you’ll discover the key to the best version of yourself. You’re going to see how your mind and thoughts alter the world you experience.

How your mind drastically alters your life and how you can control it. Because if you’re not controlling your mind, then who is?

You’ll also discover the strange reason why food can block you from your best self. And how you can use the right foods to get your mind working at its best. Then you’ll be able to control your mind and in turn, your world.
 Here’s Why…
 Ralph Smart is an expert.

He’s a Psychologist, Life Coach, Author, and Counselor. He freely shares his knowledge through his Youtube channel.

Which, by the way, has over 82 million hits! Now, here’s what other people are saying about Ralph:

I made lots of new connections during our chat and was left with an inspired, go-getting energy following our session. Thanks again Ralph!” -Jode Joddle

I started to redesign my life right after the session. I have more positive and less negative thoughts and emotions Thank u xx.” -Amani Fallatah

I saw my past, unfold and fall away into my memories, I know what my present is, I choose to be present not absent. Listen to your inner self and connect with Ralph!” -Cameron Willet
Get the Book…
Are you ready to be the best version of yourself? Do you want to see how you can get there ASAP? Then grab a copy of his book Feel Alive.

You can order a paperback or, if you’re ready to start right away, get the ebook version. So what are you waiting for? Click the link below and become your best self now!

 

Riddle Me This . . .

I Am Complete In Him  

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O
h,  if people really knew what that means. I Am complete in Him. If people realized and awakened, had a revelation of what that means,  there would never be another death or war, another struggle for power, no more sorrow, or pain or tears. Our lights would shine so bright we would need no sun.

I believe that one day, all mankind will realize – I Am Complete in Him who is the head of all  principalities and power.

Heck Bullwinkle !

I barely have a glimpse and I’m so blown away I can’t articulate it, IMAGINE !
web-page-separator
What would you say is the most important word  in that last sentence?  

I Am?
No, technically that is a Name and it is two words.

How about I?  is it I?
No, that’s right up there at the top but for the purpose of this blog, not the answer I was looking for. Please,  read it again  and dive a little deeper.

        .       549075_0_the-neuroscience-of-the-imagination-by-prof-vince-walsh_267
I will give you a hint . . . . it’s invisible, 
Yes! 

Nah, don’t worry about it just contemplate.

GOD IS ONE

BIG LOVE lil‘ gini 

Excuse me, what?

The heat is nearly unbearable today, but the wind is blowing just fine, and I’ve actually got some energy flowing so… what to do, what to do?  Let’s go sailing?

Okay, I’ve pulled up anchor, hoisted up the mainsail and on we go, one breath at a time.  {Taps fingers… }, one breath at a time. . . . Alright . . . {continues tapping fingers while waiting}.    What happened to the wind?

So, this isn’t as easy as I thought it might be?? huh, what?  Aaaaah!

It is  eleven days until I fly out to Seattle to start fresh. I feel happy, and sad all at the same time. I feel  a little overwhelmed. Last week, I was ready and raring to go. I’m still excited to go, but I’m doubting the ready part.  It hit me this morning that I really am going to do this, I mean it really is real.    Really?. . .   Really!

I was going to see my sister for a bit first, but that fell through. I just couldn’t find a way justify spending the extra money. I am currently living on SSDI and the budget it is really tight. I mean like first moved out of your parent’s house working a minimum wage job got two roommates out of work tight. I only say this because, ahem, I forgot to remind myself : “I have a lavish, dependable, steady income consistent with integrity and mutual benefit.”

Even with a very generous gift from some folks I still couldn’t find a way to justify the extra trip. So, I’m setting some of that at aside and plan to go in November  for the Thanksgiving holiday. Airline tickets round trip from SEA to PHX are less expensive than a multi-city trip from the Northeast, or even one way stops in between with several different airlines.  Yes, I could take a bus or train, but a train is, even more, money blah, blah, blah. I choose to fly.

Anyway, I suppose I should start with my back story.
The question is how far back do I want to go, and how much of it should I share?

I guess 2005 is the year everything shattered.  Yes, that was a shattering year, as well as the following five years till about 2010.  Those years were so full of tragedies and triumphs that I still don’t know where to begin. My memory is so foggy. I may even have to do research to bring back some of what happened.
In quick synopsis:
My eldest graduated high school and moved out. Thanks be to God He has always been independent yet, always a love bug, I am very proud of both my children. They are strong individuals. They are my heroes. My youngest had a psychotic break with reality and as a result, there were accusations, an unprecedented trial, a year on house arrest a lot of hospital visits and I’m pretty sure we are all still in therapy. My husband of 21-years became ill with an inoperable tumor and ended up on medical leave, not long afterward I lost my marriage, went bankrupt, lost my house, my dignity, my job (got laid off – being laid off is like being punished for doing nothing wrong.), I got divorced, I left my church, and to top it off I ended up having triple bypass surgery on my x-husband’s birthday. That was all between ’05 and ’07. Today, I’m stronger than ever on the inside.

Okay, sorry folks, I just realized, I’m not ready to share all that yet. I have no idea where to begin.  In fact, I may have to do that under a pseudonym, and after I take some writing courses in the PNW.

It’s been over ten years and I’ve “recovered”,  whatever that means.  I realize that some of my greatest challenges are ahead.  That is I think I’m finally ready to move on and begin again. I’m ready for the second half. I want to make the very best of it.  What the future holds I have no clue. However, I know that through the Spirit of the living God within me, I can, and I will continue to grow and overcome! I know I need to be on my own, and that I would like to get off living solely on SSDI as it keeps me well below the poverty level.

Some glorious experiences are ahead of me, and I think that is a big enough challenge for now.I’m at a really strange place in my life, researching  religions and questioning a lot of things. I need a whole lot more than just the usual pat answers.

Here is a message from a Church for people who are not into “Church”
Click to go here: The Meeting House  or for even more info, here:   Official Youtube Channel – The Meeting House  They meet in a movie theater, and other rented spaces on Sunday and then on another day of the week  in smaller groups in their homes. I am in love with the idea and will be searching for a place like this when I get to Seattle, or perhaps I shall just being with Sun Gazing and meditation on  Holy Writ.
PEACE & GRACE to you,
BIG LOVE  ~lil gini